batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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