everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
