why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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