I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
we should paint friendship bongs
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
