she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
