shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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