is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
