There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize