were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
