After last night, I could never be a politician.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
