dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
