This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
