I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
