her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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