I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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