I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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