he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
