The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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