From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
