It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
