you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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