I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
we should paint friendship bongs
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