Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
