you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
