yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
