i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
