I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
