I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
