I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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