ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
