he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
