just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
