yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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