He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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