Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
