Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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