Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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