I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
