thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
