I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
