She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
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Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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