I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I puked a lego.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
