he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
