I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
