wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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