I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
