i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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