I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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