So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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