I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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