My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
