You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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