i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
