she was so not down for the gang bang
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
