i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
