bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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