Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
