Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
