When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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