Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize