I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
is it fun? or sober?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
