i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
