hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
