I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I AM VODKA MAN
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
