Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
