My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
