He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
