Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
