One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize