he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize