i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
