He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
