My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
