it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
