Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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