i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
