My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
