Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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