I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
